


Man Delights Me Not, No, Not Woman Either

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [11]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Anal Sex, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Blow Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 18:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: The two times Zevran had sex with the Warden and the one time the warden chickened out.





	1. First Time for Everything

**Author's Note:**

> This has alot of asexual self hate so, just be aware, technically consent but just be Cal hates every second of sex.  
> Remember Cal is very mentally ill and doesn't know what he is so he has some toxic thinking patterns, don't lie to your partners, especially about sex.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal wants to please Zevran but secretly hates sex.

Zevran was very thorough.

He had massaged from Cal’s head to his fingers to his toes.

And Cal had never felt more anxious.

Zevran was nice. Really nice. And Cal really liked him. He liked hanging out with him, he liked gossiping with him, he liked fighting with him and he liked that he could talk to him about suicide and self harm and he was very understanding and never judged.

But.

Zevran liked sex.

A lot.

And Cal… well Cal had never tried it per say, but he was disgusted by the concept, he hated being naked, he hated his own parts… he had never been with anyone, some people tried to 'get in his pants’ but once he figured out that's what they wanted he had set them straight.  
Maybe he was broken. Everyone liked someone right? They liked girls, or boys, or both… but not him.

And if he was broken… maybe Zevran could fix him.

If anyone could fix him it would be Zevran. Zevran specialised in seducing his targets and he grew up in a brothel.

And he trusted Zevran.

Well he trusted everyone in the group, mostly. He had to, they fought with him. But, they didn't understand. Zevran did, the anxiety, the depression, the whole bit. He could come to him whenever and vent, and Zevran would comfort him and understand. And Zevran himself had told him some dark secrets, some things he hadn't told anyone, so that had to mean he trusted Cal too, right?

So this was love right? Cal would be really sad if Zevran died, he really liked Zevran and wanted to make him happy.

So.

He… should sleep with him right?

“Mi amor, I'm finished, unless I missed a spot.” Zevran was making some rustling sounds.  
Cal pushed himself up and turned around, painfully aware he was naked and covered in oil.  
Zevran knelt before him completely naked and erect.

Uh.

Gross.

Don't look at it don't look at it look don't look at it.

Fuck.

“Like what you see?” Zevran smirked.

“No, I… I mean yeah, it's… nice…” He stuttered out.

“Nice? That's the first time my cock has been called 'nice’.” Zevran cocked his head.

“Yeah, well, I just don't have a lot to compare to, so I don't know it's… good…?”

Zevran shook his head. “Thank-you my friend.”

“Nevermind that, I really love all your tattoos,” Cal crawled forward and traced his hand over the markings.

“Yes I know you want one, or more.” Zevran caught his hand and pressed it to his mouth. “Why don't you get one in Denerim?”

“We've been over this I can't waste money like that, besides I don't even know what I would get.” Cal said he tried to focus on Zevran's face so he wouldn't look at his private parts.

“Yet you can give me gold bars?” Zevran asked eyebrows shooting up.

“Aha, well I just found those laying around, anyway I still don't know what I would get.” Cal said.

“It seems you're distracting me, are you sure you want to do this? I am your first, correct?” Zevran looked concerned.

“Yes! I want to do this! And yeah, you are my first.” Cal enthused.

He did not want to do this. He would rather fight the entire blight by himself than do this. But he had to do this. If he didn't do this Zevran wouldn't love him, he would move on and find someone else to share his secrets with.

“Very well.” Zevran moved forward and kissed Cal, in a gentle and inviting way.

It was too bad he didn't like kissing. Sure Zevran tasted nice, but the wet sensations on his sensitive lips and tongue. Ugh. Gross.

Zevran gently leaned Cal back and pressed their bodies together.

Their chests touched, but so did their cocks.

“Who's topping?” Zevran whispered as he moved down to trail kisses down his neck. “Or do you want to go all the way tonight?”

“Topping?” Squeaked Cal as Zevran wrapped his hand around Cal’s cock.

“When you put your prick in another man's ass. We don't have to go that far.” Zevran murmured.

“Uh, is that… nice? Does it feel good” Cal asked wrapping his arms around Zevran's neck.

“They both feel good, maybe you should top, it's easier, I'll lead.” Zevran was very patient.

I don't think I can stay hard that long, thought Cal. “I'll bottom.”

“Are you sure? I'll have to work your ass open, since you're a virgin it might not be as pleasant at first…” Zevran was licking at his nipple, and his nipple was reacting.

Gross.

“I'm sure.” Cal flipped over. He had heard that guys cum faster than girls, and that guys put their dicks inside girls, so maybe if he bottomed Zevran would cum faster. Cal was hard, but barely, he had to keep stroking it to make sure it wouldn't go soft.

“I haven't topped in a long time,” Zevran applied a good amount of oil to Cal’s ass and rubbed gentle circles around the hole. “But I'm sure I'll make it enjoyable for you all the same.”

No you idiot this is supposed to be enjoyable for you.

“My friend, you're very tense, despite the massage, and in order for this to work, you have to relax, I don't want to hurt you.” Zevran kept massaging his ass. “Want me to talk about my other exploits to distract you?”

Cal really did not want to hear about sex right now, it was bad enough he was going through it. “No that's ok, I wanna relax on my own.”

Zevran hummed an acknowledgement.

Relax.

Ok. Relax!

That didn't work.

Well, this wasn't totally hopeless, he had… something, that always made him relax, physically at least.

It was a little ditty his grandma used to sing to him… when he was anxious or couldn't get a spell quite right, he would hum it to himself, and he would instantly relax, his muscles going lax.

But, using it now was kind of perverted, wasn't it? It was the only good part of his childhood before the circle, and it was still his happiest memory, he didn't want to taint it. On the other hand, Zevran did say he didn't want to hurt him right? Does that mean he could get hurt by this? He heard girls bleed on their first lay, but was that the same for boys?

“Zevran, what happens if I don't relax? Is it going to hurt?” Cal asked.

“Ah, I didn't mean to worry you, if I can't get you to relax, I'll find something else to do with our cocks, yes?” Zevran practically crooned before pressing his tongue to Cal’s ass.

Cal jerked and tightened his ass further at the weird sensation only to try to relax it again.  
Well, that was vague, but, it sounded like if he didn't relax they weren't going to have 'real’ sex. 'Real’ sex was penetration, that's what his friends in the circle told him and his teachers hadn't really covered it. If it wasn't penetration it didn't count, that's why Penelope was still a virgin.

Ok, looks like he was going to have to do this. The first five notes played through his head.  
“Ah, there we are, little nervous hmm?” Zevran said.

The next five notes played. Cal was on his hands and knees, but collapsed forward so he was on his elbows. His hair fell forward into his eyes and his eyelids drooped.

“Almost…” Zevran seemed to be switching between poking at his ass and licking at it.

The last five notes played and the warden was completely relaxed, he could fall asleep right now, really. What was he doing?

Zevran pushed a finger in, Cal gasped and jerked forward, clenching again.

“Ah, easy, you're doing quite well, I surprised you, eh? Well my apologies I just didn't want you to brace for it. How does it feel?” Zevran said moving his finger around.

“Uh… fine?” How did it feel? It kind of felt weird, like picking your nose.

“Hehe, well it feels better later, do you want me to stop?” Zevran was so sweet, but Cal just wanted to get it over with, maybe after they did it Zevran would stop talking about sex all the time.

“I'm fine, keep going.”

Zevran poured more oil, and kept moving his finger around, eventually he pushed a second finger in.

Ok that sort of hurt, there was a weird burning around the fingers, but Cal could take more.

“How are you feeling, mi amor?” 

“Good.” 

He did not feel good.

Zevran was a bit more aggressive now, pushing his fingers apart and licking in the space they made. Zevran pushed the third finger in and Cal grunted. Ow. He wanted ask if Zevran really found this pleasurable or if he was fucking with him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeh, feels fine.”

No, no, Zevran wouldn't lie to him about something so important.

Then Zevran curled his fingers and hit something, it sent electricity through his spine and made his balls ache.

Cal gasped and pushed up so he was back on his hands. It hurt, but it also kind of felt good in a weird way? Either way Cal didn't like it.

“Aha! I was looking for that! How did that feel!” Zevran seemed pleased with himself.

I bet that was supposed to feel really good. “Really… intense.”

“Ah, I shall avoid hitting it so directly my friend, it can be quite overwhelming.” Zevran wiggled his fingers, in tandem and randomly, occasionally brushing against that spot. Whenever he did Cal clenched and gritted his teeth and tried not to make any noise.

“Now for the main event.” Zevran removed his fingers.

Cal let out a big breath of air, and tried to relax. Zevran led his cock to Cal’s entrance and bumped the tip against rubbing the precum around.

“Ready, mi amor?”

Maker, if Cal were anyone else he would probably appreciate all of Zevran’s care and softness, but it was just annoying, Cal really just wanted it to be over. “Yeah, I'm good.”

Zevran pushed in achingly slow only to stop. “How about now?”

It hurt quite a bit but Cal had worse, actually it felt really nice, but not sexually, it kinda felt like when he cut, yeah it hurt, but there was a relief in the pain. “Mmm, keep going.” He was determined to finish this.

Zevran kept inching in until he reached the base. “Ah, not bad, eh? Does it hurt?”

Yes. “No.” Zevran had crawled by that sensitive spot inside Cal and it had been brutal.

“I'm going to start thrusting now, let me know if it gets to much.” Zevran reached around and got a grip on Cal’s hips.

Zevran started at an easy pace just slowly pushing in and out. It still felt weird, but either the pain was going away or he was getting used to the pain. He felt stretched out and strangely full. Zevran was being a dear and avoiding that sensitive spot directly, but he kept brushing past it, it made Cal’s balls ache and sent sparks through his body.

He didn't like it.

Zevran seemed to be having a good time though, and that was what was important. Zevran was moaning and taking deep breaths.

“Faster.” Grunted Cal.

Zevran obliged and sped up his pace thrusting harder into him. Cal went back on his elbows and buried his face in his arms, occasionally grunting when the pain/pleasure was too much.   
He let Zevran go for a while longer then said.

“Faster.” He couldn't take much more.

Zevran again thrusted at a greater pace, he was breathing hard and moaning between thrusts.

He's gotta be close.

He was not. 5 minutes. Cal counted the seconds.

He had to tell him to stop. “Uh… Zev… I…”

Zevran came inside him, a spurt of warmth was released inside of him.

Gross.

Zevran collapsed into of him holding their bodies close together. Cal was okay with this. They were connected, their bodies were entwined, and they were cuddling, Zevran never seemed to want to cuddle.

“Ah, sorry, my friend you caught me off guard with that nickname.” He said when he got his breath back. “Wait, did you not cum?”

“Oh, uh, no, sorry.”

Zevran chuckled. “Allow me to help then.” he pulled out and reached down.

Cal wanted to throw up. “Can I just finish on my own?” 

“Uh, of course.” Zevran stared at him bewildered.

Cal stroked his cock in an old, familiar way, he didn't feel the need to masturbate often, but ever since the other boys taught him how it was good stress relief, he hadn't since meeting Zevran though. It seemed time had made him extra sensitive, as he came within a minute.

“Up for round two?” Zevran was looking at him with clear desire.

No, no, this was supposed to get this out of his system!

“Uh… tired.” Cal said awkwardly.

“I understand, was it alright?” Zevran asked.

No. “Yeah! It was… great.”

“I'm very pleased, you did well.” Zevran leaned in and kissed him.

Oh thank the maker. Even if Zevran still wanted to have sex at least Cal had pleased him at least once, so he didn't have to do it again.

Cal leaned forward and hugged Zevran pressing their bodies together. He felt gross and dirty, but it was for Zevran, so that was ok, right?

“Will you stay?” He asked, he didn't want to be alone feeling so icky.

Zevran hesitated. “I will stay into you fall asleep.”

Cal brought his knees to his chest, of course he wouldn't stay.

“No it's ok, you go back to your tent, I can sleep on my own.”

Zevran looked amused. “This is my tent, my friend.”

“Oh yeah, ok.” Cal shyly got dressed and made the walk of shame to his tent.

The camp was quiet, only Shale was there to see him. But he still felt ashamed, he got to his tent and collapsed on his pillow, hugging it to his chest, wishing desperately it was Zevran.

He wished he had someone to talk to about this, that someone was usually Zevran, but noone in the camp would understand.

He curled around the pillow and tried to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout for Penelope for having more game and moxy than I ever will,  
> comments appreciated


	2. Spite Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair pisses Cal off so Cal gives Zevran a blow job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little healthier here, poor Zev, he must be confused.

Zevran pulled the string of his bow back to his cheek, puffed a breath out and…

“Zevran!”

The bow loosed, but completely missed his target.

Dammit.

Zevran turned to see who had interrupted his practice.

Of course it was his warden. But…

He looked furious, red and scrunched in the face, he marched determinedly right up to him.

“I am yours.” He recited.

“That's great, I need you.” Cal took his hand and started pulling him back to the main campfire.

“I see, urges overtake you?” He smirked, if so I need to bathe before-”

“Not exactly.” They had reached the campsite where Alistair and Liliana stared in confusion, the warden pushed him down so he was sitting on a log.

“Ah, you have me at an advantage…” Zevran hedged trying to see what Cal was playing at.  
Cal silently undid the laces that were holding up Zevran's skirt.

“Cal, what are you- ah.” Cal had wrapped his mouth around his cock.

The wet warmth made Zevran whine and throw his head back, only to remember they had the audience.

“By the maker!” Liliana bolted upright and turned around hurrying to her tent.  
At the same time Alistair gazed baleful at Cal's back. “Cal! What the fuck! You can't just..! I mean…! I… I'm leaving” and sprinted to his tent.

Cal, seemingly satisfied, hummed in joy and gazed up at him mouthful of cock.

Fuck, this was so hot. 

It had been weeks since their little rendezvous and Zevran had feared he'd failed to please him, Cal refused to talk to him about it, always changing the subject or avoiding it.

Cal bobbed his head up and down massaging the shaft with his hands. He licked from taint to head only to engulf the top half once again.

“Are you going to tell me what this is about?” Zevran asked.

“Mm-hmm.”

“But not until you get me to finish, eh?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Very well.” Zevran pushed his fingers through his hair trying not to buck and make the newbie choke.

It seemed Cal was just a bit too ambitious, however and he took Zevran to the base and choked on it, jerking back coughing.

Zevran chuckled. “It reduces your gag reflex if you hold your left thumb tightly.” He hinted.  
Cal nodded and again took him all the way to the base, easing in, however, Zevran could feel his throat rebelling and trying to push him out but Cal held firm for a moment before pulling back out. Zevran petted his hair and moaned loudly, more loudly than he needed to. Cal hummed happily and the vibrations around his cock were very pleasant. Cal was inexperienced though, he seemed to be just bobbing his head and licking rather than sucking. Zevran didn't mind, the exhibitionism and the eagerness were enough to get him off.

“Mi amor, I'm going to-” Zevran hissed.

Cal’s teeth grazed the shaft as Zevran came in his mouth, Cal waited until he was finished, then pulled out and spit into the fire.

“Thanks Zev.” He reached up and kissed him, his mouth salty from the cum.

Zevran tucked himself away. “Shall I return the favor?” 

“Nah, go back to practicing.” Cal got up from his knees and brushed himself off.

“Are you at least going to tell me what that was about?” Zevran stood and cradled the warden.

“Alistair thought I was dating Morrigan for some reason, I wanted to show him I wasn't in a way he wouldn't forget.”

“Haha! My friend, I did not know you were so devious.”

Cal shrugged. “We can talk tonight, I've almost mastered a rock smash spell.” And without he went and took his book and sat beside Barkspawn.

Zevran watched him for awhile marveling at what a wonderful lover he had come to have.


	3. Three's a Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal agrees to sleep with Isabella if Zevran tags along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that this is just one brand of asexual and each asexual is different.

Isabella stripped slow and sensually, Cal could tell Zevran was pleased, his breathing was sped up and there was a growing bulge in his skirt. 

Cal had never seen a naked woman before, her nipples were larger than a man's and the swell of her breasts made them perk up. Her lower parts were covered in hair, not revealing the privates inside.

Right now Cal was was slightly behind Zevran and Cal hugged him from behind and buried his face into the shorter man's shoulder.

“Isn’t she beautiful, Mi amor?” Whispered Zevran as he tilted his head and nuzzled the Warden.

“Yeah…” Cal didn't want to do this, but Zevran clearly did, maybe this would be the thing that got Zevran to stop talking about sex all the time.

“Excited? Never been with a woman, hmm.” Cal realized he was hard and immediately felt ashamed, he didn't even like sex, why was this happening?

Isabella had finished her undressing and she sat on the bed her legs folded. “Come over here, boys.”

Zevran quickly moved forward and strips down, Cal watches and bites his lip.

She put her hand on Zevran's hip and bent to take his cock in her mouth.

Zevran hummed in pleasure, only to realize Cal wasn't with him. “Come here, don't you want to lay with a pirate captain?”

Cal stumbled forward and pulled the baggy robes over his head and took off the rest of his clothes. He walked forward until he his legs hit the side of the bed.

Zevran took his cock in his hand only for her to smack the hand away and take it in her own hand. Cal breath stuttered and he pulled away and pressed himself against Zevran.

Isabella took the shaft out of her mouth with a pop. “Shy aren't we.” She eyed him up and down.

“My friend has never been with a woman, and he's very shy about sex anyway, he'll warm up I'm sure.” Zevran ran a hand down Cal’s chest. “He's a bottom too.”

He felt heat rush to his face and he buried his face into the assassin's shoulder.

She laughed, “you wouldn't think the way he orders you around, but I suppose you can never tell.” She tilted her head. “You gonna look at me, sweetheart?” 

Cal eyes widened, he pressed his cheek into Zevran. He looked at her lips so he wouldn't have to stare at her eyes.

“Pretty eyes.” She complimented.

“Um… thank you.” Cal sat down and reached forward and gently massaged her nipple.

Ok… this wasn't so bad. She went back to sucking on Zevran's cock. Cal pulled away and watched, Zevran was moaning and bucking his hips, Isabella taking his every thrusts like a master. This… was kind of hot. Cal started stroking himself and Zevran seemed pleased. 

Suddenly Zevran pulled back. “Ah, almost came,” he glanced at Cal. “Shall we return the favour?”

Isabella giggled and pushed herself into the bed and spread her legs, revealing the bright pink skin beneath the folds.

“Uh…”

“I'll lead,” Zevran pressed their lips together than leaned down and pressed his lips into hers. “Suck on her nipple.” He provided.

Cal obliged and pushed his lips around the bud, sucking and circling it with his tongue. He reached forward rubbed the nipple between his fingers.

She seemed to enjoy it, groaning in pleasure and pushing her hand through both the men's long hair, wiggling around and disrupting the acts.

“Alright, alright, I think I want something in me.” She glanced at Cal. “Or two things.”  
Zevran snorted. 

“Uh… I thought girls only had one.” Cal said confused.

Both of them giggled at him.

“Girls have three, mouth, ass, pussy.” Zevran provided. “Men only have two, mouth and ass.”  
Cal was feeling queasy talking about this so openly, his chest tightened and found it hard to breath.

“Ok… so which two are we talking about?” The warden asked.

“Sounds like a question for out beautiful lady friend.” Zevran glanced at her.

“Mm I don't feel like getting my ass fucked tonight.” Isabella said in a matter-of-fact way.

“There we are, the choice is yours my friend.” Zevran looked happy. “I have no preference.”

“I guess… I'll take… the bottom part…?” Cal answered.

She gestured him onto the bed and Cal followed climbing up onto the bed, her eyes were filled with want, his stomach rolled.

He heistetantly pressed finger between her folds, it was warm and wet, Cal wanted to shove his hand in a fire to cleanse the feeling forever. He felt around slowly, knowing Zevran and Isabella were watching him expectantly. He found a hole and pressed into it, it gave easily and she bucked her hips. He jerked his hand out.

“Did that hurt?” He asked urgently.

“No you, dummy, it felt good.” She rolled her eyes. “Let me help or we're going to be here all night.”

She grabbed his cock and eased it inside herself. Cal was breathing hard, the world was spinning, he held tightly onto his left thumb in an attempt to keep from vomiting.

Everything was warm and soft and wet.

And he hated it.

“I don't feel so good…” he blurted. Pushed her back onto the bed and pulled out and stood.

Immediately Zevran was at his side. “What is it, mi amor?”

He racked his brain for answers. “I...I…I don't like girls… I've decided.”

“Ah, a pity, well we should go then.” Zevran looked apologetically at Isabella.

“No! That's not fair!” He said. “I mean… I really enjoyed watching you… you two… so maybe…” 

“Ah, my friend you have interesting tastes, very well, Isabella, if you're willing.” Zevran turned to her.

She pouted. “Zev, you're going have to work extra hard to make it up to me.”

“I think I'm willing.” Zevran wiggled his brows.

Cal went and sat on a chair, his right leg folded under him and his left leg on the floor.

Zevran went back to work on the Captain, her moans loud and unbridled.

He breathed a sigh of relief. He could handle this, no touching, nothing moist. Just Zevran pleasing himself and another.

Cal wrapped his hand around his cock, watched the two make love, all three of them, cumming again and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeh... Cal's a cuck... Deal with it


End file.
